New sharer

So crossing my fingers didn't work very well - the unpresedented drought this summer decided to break in a spectacular fashion on the day of Sofie's viewing. Foolishly we went ahead anyway, despite the torrential sideways rain.

Ellie very kindly offered to ride, and it was clear that as soon as they got in the school Sofie was not a happy bunny. She balled herself up and was desperate to put her bum to the wind. The scary corners were far more scary than normal and she was trying to run from one end of the school. Ellie did brilliantly at calming her down and managed to settle her into a power trot. Ellie had never seen Sofie so bad and I couldn't help but wounder if my nerves were also rubbing off on Sofie. She is so sensitive to my moods and I have seen her like this in the school with me before. I might be a contributing factor!

I was in too minds about letting Lilli on, but bless her she seemed determined to ride so hopped on. Sof immediately spooked so I got Ellie to walk round with Sofie to boost her confidence. Lilli did very well, she kept calm despite Sofies jogging and sideways dancing and listened to Ellie. However, it was clear that there wasn't much point pressing the issue so I suggested we all go for a walk round the block hoping that out of the school and by my side Sofie would settle.

Thankfully I was right and Sofie calmed down and Lili was able to relax her reigns on her and have a chat with me on our amble.

I suppose there are some positives to seeing a horse at its worst. One I can be fairly confident Lilli can handle Sofie and two given she is still keen to share I can be confident she is a fairly committed person.

Still I wanted to reassure Lillies mum that Sofie is normally much calmer. Lillies mum was very impressed with how capable and well schooled Sofie was but I could tell she was a bit nervous that this was too much of a jump from the riding school. So in order to make everyone feel more comfortable I suggested they came back for a second try on a sunnier day.

Yesterday was viewing take two, and I suggested they got on and rode without me so that my nerves could not effect Sofie. It was a beautiful sunny day and when I arrived at the yard I found Lillie having a lesson from her mum on Sofie grinning ear to ear. Sofie was wonderfully behaved and they even had a little pop of a fence and a walk round the block together without me. I talked them through the last few care things, like how to treat the sweat itch (which is looking worlds better) and how to put on her boots for hacking. Lillie is clearly smitten and they officially become Sofies sharers starting next week. I am so pleased, she is a lovely girl and I think Sofie will really enjoy being her pride and joy.

I have to admit I am also a tiny bit jealous. Seeing others enjoy my lovely Sofie does remind me how much a miss riding Sof. Still Lillie is happy and Sofie is happy and realistically I can barely walk atm due to pregnancy pains so its a good thing that for two days a week Sofie is sorted.

However, we are not out of the woods yet. Anna is getting a horse vetted this week so it is likely that she will give up sharing Sof soon. So I will still need a second sharer. Ideally I can find a small adult happy hacker. Still at least there is one share in the bag :)

The schoolmistress

This post is just a bit of a proud mum brag really.

Ellie asked to borrow Sofie for a lesson as Mrs D has been in a fowl mood and she was worried about her back.

Post lesson I got a series of lovely messages about how great Sofie is and some nice pictures and videos. Ellie even referred to Sofie as a school mistress, which I haven't really thought of her as before but I guess she is really.

Super proud of the little dressage diva.

Plan B

I have had Sofie back home for a few weeks now, and I love it. Yes it is entirely illogical, terribly expensive and very short sighted but having my Sofie back makes me so happy. Sofie has settled back in and is sharing a field with another horse. The grazing is almost non-existent due to a recent drought but this does not do Sofie any harm. The sweat itch is getting better now she has rugs and we have been using ‘stinky stuff’ which seems to be working well. Sofie has come back to work brilliantly. A friend has been riding her and absolutely loves her. Super Sofie was trotting around in a collected outline almost as soon as she got on, amazing given she is had no schooling and hasn’t been ridden . What a lovely pony I have.

Still given this whole pregnancy thing I still need to be realistic. Worst case scenario dad will pay the livery, but I desperately don’t want to have to ask him to do this and also it is no good for Sofie having 6 months of no visits if I can’t take baby to the yard during the winter.

So it is time for a plan B. I advertised her on some low impact FB groups – the yard group and the haffies for loan group. My adds wouldn’t reach that many people but given all the upset of only a few weeks ago I couldn’t face going global just yet. I have also been monitoring the internet for cheap livery options as a plan C.

My adverts were for either a share or a full loan.

Almost immediately I had interest for a full loan to stay at current yard. Fantastic. The mum seemed lovely and the daughter rode beautifully and it sounded like Sofie would be perfect for them. Unfortunately they were a little worried about her ligaments and so decided no on the full loan plan, but we agreed that they could do a pay-as-you-go share whilst they were looking for the perfect horse. Secretly I am hoping that they will fall in love with Sofie and realise she can do everything they want, but I shouldn’t count on that. So it’s a short term win but I still need to find something more permanent.

I have had a couple of lovely people contact me for full loan, but they are all about an hour away and I think I am coming to accept that I am not ready for her to be on full loan just yet, especially if she is out of visiting range. I have said I would get back to them if nothing more local comes up. I do feel bad for wasting people’s time.

I also talked to a lady about a cheaper livery arrangement sharing a field with her convalescing horse. Again the lady and the field were lovely, but realistically I won’t be able to look after Sofie over the winter months so actually a share is a better plan.

I also talked about Sofie in my works ‘pet of the week’ using this as a sneaky advert. Amazingly something came of it. A colleague has a daughter looking for a pony to share. My colleague is an experience horsewoman and the daughter sounds terrible sweat. She also has a friend who could also share Sofie (thus covering most of her costs). However, I am too kind for my own good and suggested finding another pony for share at the yard so the girls could ride together. It doesn’t fix my woes entirely but I think they would be much happier with two horses. The trial is next Sunday so I am desperately hoping it goes well.

If it does go well then I just need to find one more person for share, or hope that the current girl sticks with us. Still, even if it is just one sharer that is still tlc for Sofie and reduce costs for Dad. Better than nothing.

Fingers crossed for Sunday.

The rescue

The week after my monumental fuck-up was a week of panic phone calls, trying to find a yard to move Sofie to and a way of getting her there and finding a way of paying for it.

The whole thing is far more complicated when you are pregnant. I am not meant to lift anything, I cannot risk loading Sofie myself, and I am also generally meant to be avoiding stress. Also my system is full of hormones so trying to be rational and make sensible decisions and communicate clearly is almost impossible. I am also in trouble with my husband, he is very disappointed that Sofie has returned, the term ‘millstone round your neck’ was used.

Never-the-less I have lovely friends and family. Dad promised to cover livery if I couldn’t, which made livery options possible. Our old yard would accept us back with open arms at short notice. Gem offered to collect Sofie in her lorry and her lovely bf offered to be on hand to provide some muscle. My neighbour Scott offered to help me move her stuff using his van and basically do all the lifting for me. I hate being so useless!

It was a Friday evening pick up, Katie had moved Sofie to a field nearer home and popped her rug on. Sofies sweet itch was already looking better which made me feel even more foolish about how I handled the whole thing. Still too late now, nothing left to do but collect.

Scott and I arrived on time and loaded up. Sofie was pleased to see me and gave me a little whinny on arrival. This made me feel worlds better. Gem got stuck in traffic so arrived late, and then had difficulty getting her lorry through the tight gate. This meant we started loading Sofie much later than planned. Poor Sofie was a bit startled by the who situation and refused to load. She dragged Gem off her feet so I took over. I stopped her from tanking, but was persuaded by everyone that this wasn’t something I should be doing. Gems boyfriend had a go instead. He didn’t have much more luck. We tired lundge lines and a whip – but that just made it worse. It was getting dark and I hated stressing Sofie out and keeping everyone waiting.

Then Katie arrived to move in some hay. I felt very awkward, having not seen her since our fall out. Katie was actually very sweet and offered to get a bucket of feed to help. This gave me the idea to put treats in a feed bucket and wave it from the jockey door. Instantly this did the trick – sof not only had the draw of food but could also see that the box was not a dead end and so felt comfortable enough to entre. I quickly tied her up, got my arm a bit squished in the process, but at least bump was out of harms way. Soon we were off back home.

By this point it was getting very dark – nearly 10pm. I rushed Sofie down the field with Sam – again I couldn’t lead her which was annoying. It was so dark we couldn’t see the horses in the field we were trying to lead though. On sues a horse tornado as Sofie is attacked by three horses and poor Sam is at the centre of the whirlwind. I definalty should not be in a horse tornado whilst pregnant. Thankfully another livery came to our rescue and between the 3 of us after 30mins of scrabbling around in the dark and we manage to finally rescue Sofie from her persecutors and put her in a field on her own.

Poor poor Sofie, what I horrid welcome home! It is also very clear that I am in no position to care for her. What a mess!

I spoke too soon

I spoke too soon!

The brood mare plan didn’t quite work out, and I am largely to blame.

Initially everything was great, Katie’s fields are lovely, Sofie seemed happy in the fields. She wasn’t particularly impressed with the stallion, who bless him is only a baby, she chased him off every time he tried to say hello. Katie was giving me regular updates and her boyfriend was enjoying the quiet rides they were going on. Awesome.

I missed Sofie terribly. Giving her up was really hard. I tried to unsubscribe to all my horsey facebook groups as every horse that appeared just reminded me what I had lost. Unfortunately a lot of my friends are horsey friends so this made it almost impossible to remove horses altogether. I tried occupying my time with gardening and baby prep, but my heart wasn’t in it. In fact, horrid it is to admit, I have started to resent baby for costing me Sofie. Turns out I can give up my body, my career, my social life, alcohol, food, privacy without batting an eye… but giving up Sofie is more difficult than all those things together. Still needs must, and baring a weekly visit I was slowly getting used to life sans horses.

But then her feet started cracking, Katie got them checked by her farrier who said they are shockingly short and she is walking entirely on her soles. This is pretty upsetting to hear, especially when I thought her feet were doing pretty well when I dropped her off. Problem is, despite reading several books on farriery and hoof care and subscribing to the foot dissection blog channels – yup I am that odd, I didn’t really feel like I knew enough to doubt the farrier. There is clearly a difference in opinion between the farrier and my trimmer, but I didn’t feel qualified to say who was right either way. Katie did offer for me to talk to the farrier about this, but given I didn’t feel like I had suffient knowledge and knowing it would stress me out I declined. I am meant to be doing my outmost to not be stressed right now after all. I tried to be rational, Sofie will be the best judge of who is right. If she seems better with the farrier great, if she seems worse I will ask to get the trimmer back. That’s sensible right? Still, niggling anxiety persisted, especially given her previous lameness.

On top of this her sweet itch seemed to be starting.

I then went on holiday, tried to relax and forget about my Sofie worries, tried not to think about Sofie – failed miserably on both accounts. I was very excited to see her when I got back. Alas when I went to see her after my two week break she had sweet itch sores on her face, neck, tail and stomark. Her lovely mane had gone. She had put on weight and the feet had cracked further.

I tried not to panic. I went home and tried to think of other things, but I couldn’t stop fretting. I tried to right a list of possibly solutions with pros and cons to encourage myself to be rational. I promised myself not to have a knee jerk reaction to the situation. I tried talking to friends but still couldn’t quash my anxiety.

I didn’t want to bug Katie about it. We had already discussed the sweetitch, Katie was already treating it daily and explained that rugs were a bad idea when out with a stallion and I was already way overstepping as an owner of a horse on full loan. Also I knew there wasn’t much more she could do about it, other than removing Sofie from the stallion so she could wear her rugs… but that somewhat defeats the purpose of a broodmare home.

I then did a very silly thing. By Sunday evening I still couldn’t stop fretting so I thought – why not consult the internet? NEVER CONSULT THE INTERNET! I am part of a really friendly close fb group called haffy addicts and I naïvely thought an independent view who didn’t know me or Katie might help me find a sensible solution to the situation. I thought it would be reasonably anonymous and would not come up on my fb feed as it is a closed group. NOTHING ON FB IS PRIVATE. So guess what, I posted my concerns, Katie saw the post and understandably was very upset and asked me to collect Sofie by the end of the week.

So I was a nob and utterly blew a lovely home for Sofie, screwed myself and nick financially and endangered my babys health (via my stress levels – haven’t slept since) and upset Katie, all because I could not let go. Fan-bloody-tastic.

All change

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Since loosing Tonto my heart hasn't really been in it, but seeing as there have been lots of changes to update you on I thought it was time to go back to the blog.

In December and January we enjoyed weekend rides, the ground was rubbish and we lost our boots a few times, but Sofie was great and seemed to really enjoy being out and about again. Hannah had to give up riding as her uni commitments were too demanding but as I was back this wasn't a big problem. Things were so good I booked us up to Windsor sponsored ride in September. We tried to attend a ST clinic but it got cancelled. We had a few lessons where Sofie was her usual brilliant self. Mid February we went on the perfect hack around black heath with Elle and Mrs D and I felt like finally things were on the up for me and Sof again.

hack on blackheath

hack to watch some stressage -plotting to enter next time

... Shouldn't have spoken too soon. The next week she seemed sore, reluctant to go forward. Hard to tell but I think it was her feet. She had a few cuts on her heals. Possible the boots had rubbed her, or an overreach, or the boggy ground had let infection into her heals. Either way, with a ski holiday comming up, rubbish weather and no insurance to cover her feet I decided another holiday for Sofie was in order. Que another month of just hugging for Sofie.

This latest bought of lameness also got me thinking about what to do if Sofie doesn't come right after her holiday. The livery announced another £20pcm increase and I was already worried about the amount I was paying. I contacted an old friend from Clandon to see if she was possibly interested in Sofie becoming part of her stud herd. I figured Sofies love of foals and her excellent breeding meant that a brood mare lifestyle might just suit her. Katie was initially interested, but needed to free up some space first. I said I would keep her posted on the lameness front.


In March the spring finally sprung and Sofie and I started some gentle walk hacks. She marched round the block, sans boots, quite happily much to my relief. I once again dreamed of a summer of fun with Sof and then I had some surprising news of my own. I was the one going to have the baby!

Now plenty of people ride pregnant, and manage to have a horse with a baby... but I didn't think I was going to be one of those people. Riding was too risky for me, I have never fallen off Sofie, but it would only take the once and how would I ever live with myself if it cost my child its life. Also I am not brilliant with sleep deprivation and would hate it if Sofie got neglected as a consequence. On top of this I would need to loose the lodger and reduce my pay to maternity pay and so paying for the livery becomes an issue. Decision made, if Katie still wanted her Sofie would be off to have babies.

Ideally Katie wanted a mare that could both be bred from and also be steady enough for her boyfreind to take on the odd poddle. Sofie is a kind sole and so I thought she would be up to the job. The day Katie came to visit it was horribly stormy. Sofie hadn't been ridden much and the wind and rain were up. This wasn't the best day to try a horse. Still I figured, baptism of fire, seeing her on a bad day might reassure Katie that Sofie is safe. I dragged Max out of his feild, much to his bemusement and forced us out on a hack round the block, me on Max, Katie on Sofie. Max doesn't like the wind so he wasn't his usual reliable self. I did wounder if this was a good idea. Thank God Sofie was a saint. We got overtaken by a huge lorry with only inches to spare, and Sofie stood like and angle. We had kids jumping out from hedges and stuff blowing in the wind and she remained calm. We had to walk past a building sight with flapping plastic, concealed diggers and cement mixers going. I asked Katie to lead as I thought it would be too much for Max. Sofie did and got us both past safely. I love that mare! Thankfully so did Katie and so it was arranged. Sofie would be going off for a new life in Frensham, until 2020, though I was welcome to visit as much as I liked.

It was with mixed feelings I dropped her off at Katies. Relieved that I had found a loving and secure home for Sofie whilst I was incapacitated but still very sad that I could no longer ride and be her sole carer. Thankfully Sofie seemed to immediately like her new surroundings. Big fields, lots of grass and BOYS! Yes it looks like she would be happy here. I have visited a few times a week to give her a brush and some TLC and she still seems quite happy. She has been introduced to all the horses now, befriending the big boss Solo, flirting shamelessly with the competition pony Ru and intirly bullying her intended stallion. I am not sure she will be having babies after all! She has been out on a few hacks and been good so far. She is pilling on the pounds but Kaite has a lamanitic mare and diet paddocks, which Sofie has recently been moved to so I can feel rest assured that Katie is going to take the best care of her.

And so for now I just have to accept the occasional visit and updates from Katie. I miss her terribly, but Sofie is happy and I can focus on looking after myself and the increasingly large bump I am walking around with.

Updates might be a bit sparce for a while, but rest assured I will let you know when and if there are new arrivals - both human and equine kind.

Back to reality

I am back from running away to new Zealand and have made it back to the yard. I missed sof whilst I was away so it was great to see her, though it was hard going back.

Hannah has taken excellent care of sof whilst I was away and has helped her through the first difficult weeks. Sof is still a little unsure of being in the yard by herself and has returned to being strong on the way back to the field.  She is worried when I walk away from her on the yard and panics if I am out of sight. I am sure this will get better.

It is nice to be able to soley focus on sofie. We have gone on a few hacks, she isn't very fit so I think we will be doing lots of walking. The ground is rubbish atm anyway. I have given her a terible haircut to try and reduce her sweeting. I went conservative so that I wouldn't need to rug her, but cracked at the first sign of rain so rug is on.

She is a good weight, there is nothing left in the fields.  I am having to pay for hay, pushing livery up to 270, this is nearly 100 more than Clandon.  I am tempted to go back, sofiee doesn't need the add ons and the hacking is better so it is very tempting. Still that is even more change for sof and I haven't really given the hacking a chance yet. I'll re think in spring I think. I can afford the higher prices for now

Today we did some st for the first time in ages. Sof was a superstar. Looking forward to taking her to clinics and sponsored rides in the spring