Mr T Obituary

It has been a day. Reality of loosing T has not sunk in. I feel numb. It is a bit like waking up from a heavy night and not having a hangover, has there been some miracle that will save me from the pain, or will the pain arrive later in full force?

In the mean time I should write an obituary. As it happens I wrote this post for Tonto several years ago when I started this blog. I didn't post it, mainly because I feared it would be incriminating if Tonto hurt someone. However it now seems safe and fitting. My Mr T, love of my life...


So far in this blog I have portrayed Mr T as an angry, pig headed, and aggressive cob. I feel like I have perhaps been unfair on the old boy so I thought I would spend a post rectifying this. 

Mr T is an angry, pig headed, aggressive cob... but he is also kind, loyal, smart and I trust him with my life.

Tonto arrived off the back of a truck from Ireland when he was 2 turning 3. He had nails in his overgrown feet indicating he had once been shod and whip scars and could be seen along his flanks even through is matted coat. He has a deep thick scar on his back right leg which I think he got through getting the leg trapped. I suspect he was tethered at one time. He moved like he had pulled a trap, no concept of canter but could trot like the clappers, with the straight-legged gate used for racing. I think he may have come from a gypsy home but can’t be sure. You could not touch him, he shock from head to foot at the thought and when he got scared he would pin his right side of his body to a wall. He hated men and the smell of cigarette smoke. If he felt threated, instead of running away he would attack. I think he had been cornered and beaten on several occasions. Tonto is smart, very smart. He is also strong willed. He cannot be beaten into submission. I think he must have learnt to attack in order to stop the beatings. I will never really know.

Whatever his previous home it had not been a nice one. He was clearly traumatised. It took us a year before we could even touch his back legs, let alone pick out his feet. It was hard for Tonto to trust people, he knows how terrible humans can be.

A young T and I

I think the fact that my and my sister were two small girls helped a lot. We are about as fierce as a kitten. After a while Tonto started to drop his guard and it became clear he enjoyed attention and actually liked being groomed. The more we gained his trust the more we could do with him. I remember leading him when something spooked him, he charged off and knowing that my 50Kg was nothing against his 500kg I let go of the lead rope. He charged down the track and suddenly realised I was not there and stopped dead. He then spun and charged back to hide behind me. I may have only been 5ft 4, but Tonto had started to see me as his saviour.

Mr T's begging trick

He is smart. He can learn vicariously which I find incredible in a horse. I remember him studying a little pony Bonnie as she begged for treats by raising her foot to get a reward. He watched this for a while and then looked at me and raised his leg the same way, very purposefully. Bloody hell! He has learnt several voice commands, walk, trot, canter, halt, back, back-one. My instructor started to have to spell out words because T would respond to his voice before I got the chance to give the aid. Tonto then learnt to spell. He is a problem solver. I remember free schooling him once when he decided he had enough he went to jump out. A stride or two out he realised the fence was a bit high so he reared up, boxed it and snapped the top bar in half. Then he did a circle to jump the now lower fence. I had to run in front of it to stop him. Cleaver bugger. He seems to understand others intentions. If he was stealing food (chips with ketchup are his favourite) he would be very sneaky, stealth it of your plate and only chew when you were not looking.

Tonto at a Sponsored ride

He is strong. I have seen him shear a bolt in two when he ran through a gate. He has felled several trees which got in his way on a hack. I have seen him drag three full grown men and toss them from his bridle like they were nothing more than rag dolls. He has pushed over brick pillars, and charged through the middle of cross country fences which barely slowed him down. Most horses don’t know how strong they are and are obedient because of this. Tonto knows exactly how strong he is.

Unfortunately Mr T has never once forgotten that people can be mean. He will never trust strangers. He also knows how to control people. Running away from them takes energy, so he makes people run from him if he does not like what they are doing. He can be very intimidating when he chooses.



getting a bit grey
but still loved

Ultimately, everything Tonto does for me is actually very much his choice. Yes I am firm with him and make sure I am still top dog in our relationship, but the reality is Tonto chooses to follow me and knows he does not have to. With this in mind it is incredible how well behaved and accommodating he is. Tonto is very gentle with me. I can lead him without a head collar, just a hand on his chin. When he spots my car he always makes his way over to the gate. He enjoys grooming and the odd cuddle when he is in the right mood. Strangers can still not touch him, yet he is a soppy sod with the people he trusts. To pick up his feet you just tap once gently on his leg. He will go wherever you point if you need him to move. He looked after me on rides. Yes he was at times high spirited but if anything actually dangerous occurred, like another horse bolting or a horse jumping on top of him in the middle of a central reservation of a fast road, he did exactly as I asked. He tolerated a huge amount of pain with his legs and back and still tried his hardest when being ridden, not one buck. How many horses would do that for you?

I think that I love Tonto all the more because he is difficult and complicated. Gaining the trust of a straightforward horse is easy. Gaining the love of a complex and mistrustful horse is so much more rewarding and I think a lot more meaningful.

So before you conclude that Mr T is dangerous and nasty (which many have in the past) be aware that he is also gentle and kind of his own free will.

How do you say goodbye?

So this weekend is our last, the end of a love affair, but how do you say goodbye?

I have made all of the arrangements,  in fact I have accedently booked two people to shoot - the very definition of overkill. I have left the sedative and back up sedative with smee and walked her through everything. I have collected the rugs for fixing and taken off his magnets. I have nearly used up all his drugs.

Today I invited Gemma and Clara down for a pamper. It was a beautiful crisp sunny day. The Autumn leaves were in all their golden glory and the yard was calm bathed in warm sunshine. We made small talk as we groomed Tonto and allowed him to mob us for treats. He actually lay down last night, the first time in months, so we had some mud to brush off his otherwise bright white coat. We platted his main and took photos, all the while T disproved. He has never liked photos.

I took so for a spin in the school to try her new saddle, whilst t chilled an the middle. In part it was just something to do, in part I wanted tomorrow to feel as normal as possible for tonto. Sofie, as always, was lovely. We even had a little canter.

Afterwards there was nothing left to do but turn out. So we all went down the field,  me Clara and sof in front, the heavily pregnant Gemma behind and Mr t last. I let Tonto join Sofie in a field with a fair amount of grass and through in some hay for good measure. More hugs and carrots and then we had to say good bye.


Only I couldn't, I just couldn't say it. In the end I settled for see-ya. As we walked away Tonto stared at us from the gate, willing us to come back. It wa's as if he too did not want to say goodbye either.

So is this it? Does 18 years of devotion end with 'see-ya'. I suppose the words don't matter. Tonto knows I love him, and I know he loves me. Is there anything more to say.

Preparing for a mental breakdown

I have just done it, all the arrangements are in place for Tonto. 11am 20th November. God it is awful,  but I do have a sense of relief, nothing left to organise.

I did have a little wobble this morning, but T was sore today, he flinched when I touched him. This is the right choice.

I had asked the yard but they hadn't got through to the hunt. I went for hunt because t has never liked vets and is terrified of needles. I think it is the way he would prefer. It is also garenteed fast.

As another form of preperation I have got sofie a sharer. I figured having someone to care for them both during the week is good. Since the clocks have changed it is harder for me to get down. And then after t is gone, if I can't face going down I know sofie is cared for, the routine will help her adjust. It also means she is seen whilst I am in new zeland, and can build her fitness over the winter. I haven't asked for any money, figured it's winter and a difficult situation.

Sofies sharers name is hannah, she is very gentle and sweet, T has taken to her and wouldn't let her stop grooming him. I didn't give her a very tougher vetting I was too pleased just to have someone there to look after them. But she is kind which is the main thing.

Due to a miss communication both me and hannah were at the yard together today. I probably was over bossy, I made her have a lesson with Sally. Still it put my mind at ease that hannah had all the tools she needed to bond with sof. Another thing sorted.

I am now pretty much free to have my mental breakdown now