STM 1.2 - mastery of onself - human needs

Next on the agenda is to talk about the paradox of the 6 human needs (in the first 4 stages the needs conflict each other).

1. need for certainty - so that we have all the basic needs (job, house, home)
2. need for variety - to keep us stimulated
3. need for significance - to be seen as successful/unique 
4. need for community - to belong
5. need for growth - to develop
6. need for contribution - to care, give and support others

M argues that if we let one of the first four human needs take priority then it will cost us in happiness. The need for certainty means we will not be able to take risks and will be striving to control all aspects of life which cannot be controlled. The need for variety can tire us out, constantly seeking new things to entertain us without reaching any sense of fulfilment. The need for significance can mean that we never feel successful, as we are so dependent on others praise and there will always be someone better than us, the need for community means that we may never fully develop and will become very dependent on fitting in. 


M encourages us to strive for growth, take our own path, do not compare ourselves for others or put to much weight on grades, scores and achievements - instead valuing the knowledge we are gaining.


Now I am very guilty of pushing myself too hard - hence my mental breakdown before I met Mr T. Since then I have tried very hard to reduce my need for significance, but I think it will always be a bit of a struggle for me as it is my natural tendency. Mr T has made me feel like I belong, and I am very grateful to him for that. The nice thing about working with Sofie is that she is pushing me towards the need for growth.


M challenges us to some questions: Here are my answers:


What are your ways to get certainty? uncertainty?
In order to get certainty I have avoided moving city, I keep a close group of friends around myself, I have worked in the same office for nearly 10 years, and I check my bank balance almost obsessively to make sure I have some savings. Apparently I like certainty


and for uncertainty - I always have a variety of different activities to do with a large base of friends to do them with. I take up new sports, move jobs within the company. I guess this is a safe amount of variety for me. Oooo and I buy hoof boots!


What are the ways you get significance? Love and connection?
I write a blog - but as I don't expect anyone to read it, or tell people about it I suspect it isn't really about significance for me. Its more like a journal. I do post lots of things on fb, sign up to groups, my fav being the haflinger group as everyone is so kind and supportive there. I am addicted to spending time with my friends, I need their reassurance.


How do you get a sense of growth? contribution?
Well there is the ST Mastery course for one, my job is also always a constant learning curve which I really like. I am currently teaching my friends to rock climb - which I like more than actually rock climbing, so I guess that is contribution. And of course there is this blog - which is a growth contribution thing.


Of the 6 human needs, which two have you been valuing most?
ooo tricky... um probably certainty and connection - though as discussed my natural tendency is significance.


What are the consequences of valuing those needs in that order?
I have a very comfortable life, I can afford my two horses - just, and I live in a lovely community of supportive friends. I guess if you were going to look at the costs of those needs it is that I don't often challenge myself. In the horse world I do not compete, my riding has not really progressed in years I am still doing the same things I did when I was 14 (well less now but that is due to pony lamness... but had my prioritise been different I might have put Tonto down, abandoned Sofie and purchased a working horse.


What do your top 2 needs need to be to feel more empowered?
Growth, I guess it has to be growth if I am going to get out of my horse rut, and I think I would still like to keep connection as my second top need, as it is the one that brings me most happiness. So I suppose I need to try and let some stuff go and stop worrying so much about keeping certainty in my life. This I am going to find tricky.

STM 1.2 Mastery of oneself - levels of consiousness

The second chapter in the mastery program is 'mastery of oneself'. I didn't really expect to get life coaching from the course - but as it happens M has some useful tips! There you go, another way Sofie is making my life a better place.




The first thing that M is keen to point out is that what you see from a 'master' is just the tip of the iceburg. What you don't see is the effort, sweat, blood, tears, mistakes and perseverance it took to get there. OK M's delivery was far more motivational than my little one sentence summary, but the essence of the point she was making is that a 'master' is just a regular joe who has worked really hard... which means we can all be a master if we put our minds to it.




The module then goes on to talk about levels of consciousness. Firstly it talks about the 'centre of gravities' being egocentric (oneself), ethnocentric (one's family), world-centric (everyone), spirit-centric (everyone and everything). I suspect I am either ethnocentric or spirit-centric, it might well depend on the day! The module then explains that there are 8 levels of consciousness, and gives them names by colour:

1. beidge - state we are born with, very much just survival instincts
2. purple - baby/toddler, where life can be a bit confusing and frightening, and we cling to rituals to comfort us - and applied to horse riders this might be where an owner seeks help from sources which seem to be a 'holder of mystery's' - raki immediately comes to mind to me. I suspect my fear of Tonto's failing health can put me in this level of consciousness.
3. red - toddler/child, where we learn that we have power - M amusingly talks about the 'no' state in toddlers where everything is 'NO' regardless of the question - and in the horse world, this can be where a rider is overly bossy, gets frustrated and does not listen to advise, or an instructor that acts like a drill sergeant.
4. blue - school, where everything is clear and there are set rules - in horse world this is where there are right ways and wrong ways. I think I was at this level of consciousness for a long time with Tonto. See my crisis of confidence as I was leaving this level back in 2014.
5. Orange - university, where you start to grow and learn independently and are focused on success - in the horse world these are the high level competitor riders who value success over the horse, they are successful as they are happy to step out of the comfort zone, but it is hard to reach true fulfilment as there is always the next challenge
6. green - adulthood, all about finding connection and inner peace - in the horse world this means you are very comfortable with your horse and your achievements, but you do not stretch yourself or grow because you are basically content. I think I was here for a while with Tonto too.
7. yellow - is all about contribution, to society that will last - in the horse world this is someone who looks at the big picture and is aiming to contribute to the learning though sharing of ideas... I guess this blog is sort of doing that
8. turquoise - a completely balanced level of consciousness which takes all the learning on connects it with a whole world picture.

I sort of get it. I guess the aim of the game is to get yourself to Turquoise, I am struggling to see the difference between yellow and turquoise atm, perhaps it is because I am stuck at yellow. Who knows? Perhaps in the next few blog posts we will get to find out :)




At the end of the module M challenges you to some questions. So here are the answers for me:


What is your centre or gravity and why?
I think I am spirit-centric, because I worry about world affairs and the environment for a good proportion of the time. I am one of those annoying people who ask where meat is sources from and feels terribly guilty for every bit of waste I produce. Saying that, I am hardly mother Teresa (the example given) and I suspect a lot of my time is more ethnocentric where I am focused on my friends, family, and most often my horses.


And if I were to pick a level - which I think (from the following question) it is asking me to do, I am optimistically going to say Yellow. The reason I am saying yellow is that I no longer think in rules, Sofie forced me out of that habit by showing me that the rules I used on Tonto did not work on her. I quickly moved out of Orange after realising that I did not find competition rewarding. I have moved out of green because my horses are lame and I need to step up and help them, and so I have got to yellow - where I am exploring several avenues and trying to find out what works and share it with the world via this blog.


How does this level serve you?
This level is good as it allows me to be flexible in my thinking and means I will actively seek to help my horses and hopefully help others at the same time. I can look at different things through a critical lens but also pick up the best from all worlds.


how does this level limit you?
makes me write a pretentious and overly sincere blog


Where do you go under pressure?
Ashamedly sometimes all the way back to the red zone when Tonto is ill - I think this is a sign of my utter desperation to help him. And when Sofie plays up? possibly blue.


Where do you need to be in to go to the next level in your life as a horse training?
Well logically the answer is Turquise, but that seems a bit ambitious. I think possibly keeping myself yellow, regardless of the pressure is a good start.