Back to reality

I am back from running away to new Zealand and have made it back to the yard. I missed sof whilst I was away so it was great to see her, though it was hard going back.

Hannah has taken excellent care of sof whilst I was away and has helped her through the first difficult weeks. Sof is still a little unsure of being in the yard by herself and has returned to being strong on the way back to the field.  She is worried when I walk away from her on the yard and panics if I am out of sight. I am sure this will get better.

It is nice to be able to soley focus on sofie. We have gone on a few hacks, she isn't very fit so I think we will be doing lots of walking. The ground is rubbish atm anyway. I have given her a terible haircut to try and reduce her sweeting. I went conservative so that I wouldn't need to rug her, but cracked at the first sign of rain so rug is on.

She is a good weight, there is nothing left in the fields.  I am having to pay for hay, pushing livery up to 270, this is nearly 100 more than Clandon.  I am tempted to go back, sofiee doesn't need the add ons and the hacking is better so it is very tempting. Still that is even more change for sof and I haven't really given the hacking a chance yet. I'll re think in spring I think. I can afford the higher prices for now

Today we did some st for the first time in ages. Sof was a superstar. Looking forward to taking her to clinics and sponsored rides in the spring

Mr T Obituary

It has been a day. Reality of loosing T has not sunk in. I feel numb. It is a bit like waking up from a heavy night and not having a hangover, has there been some miracle that will save me from the pain, or will the pain arrive later in full force?

In the mean time I should write an obituary. As it happens I wrote this post for Tonto several years ago when I started this blog. I didn't post it, mainly because I feared it would be incriminating if Tonto hurt someone. However it now seems safe and fitting. My Mr T, love of my life...


So far in this blog I have portrayed Mr T as an angry, pig headed, and aggressive cob. I feel like I have perhaps been unfair on the old boy so I thought I would spend a post rectifying this. 

Mr T is an angry, pig headed, aggressive cob... but he is also kind, loyal, smart and I trust him with my life.

Tonto arrived off the back of a truck from Ireland when he was 2 turning 3. He had nails in his overgrown feet indicating he had once been shod and whip scars and could be seen along his flanks even through is matted coat. He has a deep thick scar on his back right leg which I think he got through getting the leg trapped. I suspect he was tethered at one time. He moved like he had pulled a trap, no concept of canter but could trot like the clappers, with the straight-legged gate used for racing. I think he may have come from a gypsy home but can’t be sure. You could not touch him, he shock from head to foot at the thought and when he got scared he would pin his right side of his body to a wall. He hated men and the smell of cigarette smoke. If he felt threated, instead of running away he would attack. I think he had been cornered and beaten on several occasions. Tonto is smart, very smart. He is also strong willed. He cannot be beaten into submission. I think he must have learnt to attack in order to stop the beatings. I will never really know.

Whatever his previous home it had not been a nice one. He was clearly traumatised. It took us a year before we could even touch his back legs, let alone pick out his feet. It was hard for Tonto to trust people, he knows how terrible humans can be.

A young T and I

I think the fact that my and my sister were two small girls helped a lot. We are about as fierce as a kitten. After a while Tonto started to drop his guard and it became clear he enjoyed attention and actually liked being groomed. The more we gained his trust the more we could do with him. I remember leading him when something spooked him, he charged off and knowing that my 50Kg was nothing against his 500kg I let go of the lead rope. He charged down the track and suddenly realised I was not there and stopped dead. He then spun and charged back to hide behind me. I may have only been 5ft 4, but Tonto had started to see me as his saviour.

Mr T's begging trick

He is smart. He can learn vicariously which I find incredible in a horse. I remember him studying a little pony Bonnie as she begged for treats by raising her foot to get a reward. He watched this for a while and then looked at me and raised his leg the same way, very purposefully. Bloody hell! He has learnt several voice commands, walk, trot, canter, halt, back, back-one. My instructor started to have to spell out words because T would respond to his voice before I got the chance to give the aid. Tonto then learnt to spell. He is a problem solver. I remember free schooling him once when he decided he had enough he went to jump out. A stride or two out he realised the fence was a bit high so he reared up, boxed it and snapped the top bar in half. Then he did a circle to jump the now lower fence. I had to run in front of it to stop him. Cleaver bugger. He seems to understand others intentions. If he was stealing food (chips with ketchup are his favourite) he would be very sneaky, stealth it of your plate and only chew when you were not looking.

Tonto at a Sponsored ride

He is strong. I have seen him shear a bolt in two when he ran through a gate. He has felled several trees which got in his way on a hack. I have seen him drag three full grown men and toss them from his bridle like they were nothing more than rag dolls. He has pushed over brick pillars, and charged through the middle of cross country fences which barely slowed him down. Most horses don’t know how strong they are and are obedient because of this. Tonto knows exactly how strong he is.

Unfortunately Mr T has never once forgotten that people can be mean. He will never trust strangers. He also knows how to control people. Running away from them takes energy, so he makes people run from him if he does not like what they are doing. He can be very intimidating when he chooses.



getting a bit grey
but still loved

Ultimately, everything Tonto does for me is actually very much his choice. Yes I am firm with him and make sure I am still top dog in our relationship, but the reality is Tonto chooses to follow me and knows he does not have to. With this in mind it is incredible how well behaved and accommodating he is. Tonto is very gentle with me. I can lead him without a head collar, just a hand on his chin. When he spots my car he always makes his way over to the gate. He enjoys grooming and the odd cuddle when he is in the right mood. Strangers can still not touch him, yet he is a soppy sod with the people he trusts. To pick up his feet you just tap once gently on his leg. He will go wherever you point if you need him to move. He looked after me on rides. Yes he was at times high spirited but if anything actually dangerous occurred, like another horse bolting or a horse jumping on top of him in the middle of a central reservation of a fast road, he did exactly as I asked. He tolerated a huge amount of pain with his legs and back and still tried his hardest when being ridden, not one buck. How many horses would do that for you?

I think that I love Tonto all the more because he is difficult and complicated. Gaining the trust of a straightforward horse is easy. Gaining the love of a complex and mistrustful horse is so much more rewarding and I think a lot more meaningful.

So before you conclude that Mr T is dangerous and nasty (which many have in the past) be aware that he is also gentle and kind of his own free will.

How do you say goodbye?

So this weekend is our last, the end of a love affair, but how do you say goodbye?

I have made all of the arrangements,  in fact I have accedently booked two people to shoot - the very definition of overkill. I have left the sedative and back up sedative with smee and walked her through everything. I have collected the rugs for fixing and taken off his magnets. I have nearly used up all his drugs.

Today I invited Gemma and Clara down for a pamper. It was a beautiful crisp sunny day. The Autumn leaves were in all their golden glory and the yard was calm bathed in warm sunshine. We made small talk as we groomed Tonto and allowed him to mob us for treats. He actually lay down last night, the first time in months, so we had some mud to brush off his otherwise bright white coat. We platted his main and took photos, all the while T disproved. He has never liked photos.

I took so for a spin in the school to try her new saddle, whilst t chilled an the middle. In part it was just something to do, in part I wanted tomorrow to feel as normal as possible for tonto. Sofie, as always, was lovely. We even had a little canter.

Afterwards there was nothing left to do but turn out. So we all went down the field,  me Clara and sof in front, the heavily pregnant Gemma behind and Mr t last. I let Tonto join Sofie in a field with a fair amount of grass and through in some hay for good measure. More hugs and carrots and then we had to say good bye.


Only I couldn't, I just couldn't say it. In the end I settled for see-ya. As we walked away Tonto stared at us from the gate, willing us to come back. It wa's as if he too did not want to say goodbye either.

So is this it? Does 18 years of devotion end with 'see-ya'. I suppose the words don't matter. Tonto knows I love him, and I know he loves me. Is there anything more to say.

Preparing for a mental breakdown

I have just done it, all the arrangements are in place for Tonto. 11am 20th November. God it is awful,  but I do have a sense of relief, nothing left to organise.

I did have a little wobble this morning, but T was sore today, he flinched when I touched him. This is the right choice.

I had asked the yard but they hadn't got through to the hunt. I went for hunt because t has never liked vets and is terrified of needles. I think it is the way he would prefer. It is also garenteed fast.

As another form of preperation I have got sofie a sharer. I figured having someone to care for them both during the week is good. Since the clocks have changed it is harder for me to get down. And then after t is gone, if I can't face going down I know sofie is cared for, the routine will help her adjust. It also means she is seen whilst I am in new zeland, and can build her fitness over the winter. I haven't asked for any money, figured it's winter and a difficult situation.

Sofies sharers name is hannah, she is very gentle and sweet, T has taken to her and wouldn't let her stop grooming him. I didn't give her a very tougher vetting I was too pleased just to have someone there to look after them. But she is kind which is the main thing.

Due to a miss communication both me and hannah were at the yard together today. I probably was over bossy, I made her have a lesson with Sally. Still it put my mind at ease that hannah had all the tools she needed to bond with sof. Another thing sorted.

I am now pretty much free to have my mental breakdown now

Footfall assessment for sofie

I emailed Nic from Rockley to see if she could help with Sofies collateral ligament damage.  Nic said it would be helpful to see her walk so here is some footage from today.

And a couple of foot photos

Vet update

Sofie had her inoculations today, so I thought I might as well take the opportunity to pay the vet a bit more money to tell me what I already know. The lovely Mary assessed Sofie and said no improvement from this time last year... which I already knew but it is still sad to hear. On the lunge on the hard surface she was clearly short strided, and wasn't much better when we put the boots on so we could rule out foot sore (the vet was very bemused by the boots). In the vets opinion, as Sof hasn't responded to any treatment or rest, the damage is likely to be historic, chronic and with scar tissue and therefore there really isn't anything else we can do.


On the up side, the vet said she was lovely and felt there was no reason I couldn't happy hack her if she seemed happy with it. This is sort of the conclusion I have come to myself, but it is nice to hear it from an independent source. She also said I was probably right in my suspicion that she had arthritis in the back hock - though we decided not to look to closely at it.


So there we have it. Two years of stress and heartache for absolutely nothing!


I am probably going to draw a line under it here... but I couldn't resist emailing Nic at Rockley just in case she has any bright ideas. I have the money, and if I can send her whilst I am on my holiday I won't have to worry about Sofie cover.


In other news, the mystery of Sofies rug ripping has been solved. I spent a good half an hour taping off some supitious barbed wire only to turn round to find Samba mounting Sofie! Ah yes, that would do it. Sofie is just too god damn sexy for her own good! hopefully their hormones will settle down soon. No wonder Mr T was so ralled up. He has spent a week watching two girls get it on. 

How to make friends and how not to

So Jessy and Dove left at the end of September which provided the perfect opportunity to get both Sofie and T some new friends.

DJ is a lovely gentle old boy who needs lots of tlc just like Tonto. He used to share with Jessy but now she has gone I thought he would be perfect for keeping T company. Unfortunately T disagreed and bullied him mercilessly. After a week they were separated and t is back in solitary confinement.  He is his own worst enemy.

Sofie however has been far more charming. I put her with Samba, a netoriously feisty mare, known for fighting over food, but like Sof needs to be on a constant diet. I was a little worried for Sof but they have instantly become bbfs. I went down yesterday to find them happily sharing a pile of hay and samba cried when I took Sof away. T was sulking next door. Still it is nice for Sof t have a friend,  particularly given the big deciding with t.

The one downside is Sof seems to have found a conspiritor in rug destruction and her second very expensive snuggy hood rug is in pieces.

She is also in season which is driving the boys crazy, especially T who is a particularly randy old man and spent all of yesterday trying to mount her. Sigh.

Tough decidions

I have set a date for t, 20th Nov. Of course he has looked better and better since I set it. That said he is really uncomfortable picking out his feet, in part due to infections and also because his back legs, particularly his left does not want to bend. Still, I half expect myself to u turn at the last moment.

And if that wasn't hard enough I lost my lovely cat Woody to cancer. I am terribly sad about it, particularly because I hoped he would help with t (I even made him promise). Woody always gave the best hugs when I cried about T. I have been so upset I have taken to writing poetry. I don't really like poetry - nor am I very good at it, but much like writing this blog I have found it quite cathartic.

Anyway, here is my poem for Woody, it really doesn't do him justice

The worst of the firsts

First time coming home without him here to greet me,
First evening on the sofa without him on my lap,
First trip up the stairs without him by my side,
First night in my bed with empty arms, not sleeping,
But wake to find no warmth snuggled to my back and dawn breaks silently, no announcement from the cat,
First shower without him waiting on the landing,
First trip down the stairs without him at my heals,
First kettle boiled without watchful eyes upon me,
First time I leave the house with no need to say 'goodbye',
Goodbye is endless, love enduring, mourning for the cat



Having said I was hoping Woody would help with T, even though he is not here in a funny way Woody has. I adored Woody, life without him was unthinkable, putting him down was unthinkable, but when it came to it I found I could, I was with him at the end and kept calm and was able to make the call before he truly suffered. It's been a bit over a week, and whilst I miss him terribly, I know I am going to be OK,  and I know I made the right decidion. Perhaps it will be the same with T.

Lucy Chester horsmanship - seperation lesson

Last Saturday I had a lesson with Lucy Chester to see if there was anyway I can sort Tonto's separation anxiety issues without stressing him.


Strangely enough Lucy and my horses at least had crossed paths before. Lucy used to share the lovely haff also named Tor where Sofies old owners used to be. It was this Tor that made them and Lucy interested in haflingers. All parties went on to get their own haffs and were bitterly disappointed when the new haffs turned up and were not the even tempered calm haff that Tor was.


In the case of Sofie, she ended up coming to me as she was too difficult, but Lucy persevered with hers and in the process learnt a huge amount about natural horsemanship and now is making a living sharing her haffy induced knowledge. Back to my theory that you get the horse you need not the one you want.

Anywhos Lucy and Sofies paths crossed twice more when she looked at both Clandon and Westlands to keep her haff. So I think it was about time I joined the party!


I instantly took a liking to Lucy, she has a lovely kindness to her, which Tonto picked up on as he seemed very at ease in her company - which is a rarity with T. Lucy was amused by Tonto's ambling about in the yard when she arrived and loved his cheeky inquisitive nature.


We went to the field as this is where my end goal is - to be able to leave Tonto in the field whilst Sofie is ridden without fretting.


The exercise was one of operant conditioning. We wanted to teach Tonto 3 things:
a) when sofie leaves she comes back
b) when he is calm she comes back
c) when she is away it is nice
In order to achieve this we had me in the field with Tonto doing grounding exercises and feeding treats to distract him whilst Lucy lead Sofie away and back (when Tonto was calm) in ever increasing amounts to stretch his comfort zone. Sofie loved this, it was a day of walking and eating which she was very enthusiastic about. And whilst Tonto did fret a little and called at first, he soon got the idea and was happy to be with me whilst sofie was out of sight which is really impressive on the first session.


All is hunky doory :)


At the end of the session Lucy suggested we leave it there and put Sofie straight back out. She then suggested that I should do this another 7 times and avoid doing things with them together in the mean time so that Tonto gets the idea that they can do things apart. This makes perfect logical sense... but pragmatically is really tricky.


I then had a mini panic. Not sure why this made me panic, it is probably just indicative of how little I can cope with atm. Realistically I only have 3 more weeks of daylight left, I don't think I can secure myself a walker for that many days, and if I can't bring them in I don't get my horse fix and can't treat Tonto's many infections. I also can't go down every day, Nick will divorce me and my family would be peed off that I don't see them either, plus I have a mini-break and a residential course coming up. There is also the issue that I will still most likely be putting Tonto down in November anyway (though he as rallied again which is making me wobble) so do I really want to spend my last few weeks with him in a field making him mildly stressed.


It is so frustrating because I think Lucy's method will work, I just don't have the time of resources to make this happen. I feel like I am failing Tonto here, I am finding having two horses, a full time job, family commitments, a busy social life and outside interests rather challenging. Problem is, however much I adore my horses I don't want my life to be just them and if I am not careful it will be.


So despite how inspiring the session was, and how much hope it promises I think I am going to have to be realistic and say I can't achieve this. I will do the little that I can, if I have a walker I'll give it another go, but without the continuity it is unlikely to work as well. I will also try and get Tonto a different field buddy but still in sight of Sofie. Perhaps I could try and slowly move the fields apart to widen his comfort zone over time. Again, not sure I will have the resources to do this, it really depends upon which fields are available.

Sally Ede lessons

Time for a more upbeat post, and luckaly we have something upbeat to blog about :)


Sof and I have started lessons with Sally Ede who is a riding instructor who focuses on biomechanics. She helped us out with flatwork not so long ago and started us on the path to straightness training, but now we are back in the saddle I thought she could also help with my terrible riding position.


Sally is brilliant! Instructors are horses for courses really, some work for you some don't, but Sally deff works for us. The way she explains things makes total sense and she is brilliant at spotting the subtal changes which make all the difference. She is also very attuned to the rider and horse relationship, and can instantly see where my and Sofies real issues lie.


First two lessons were in the field. I have been a bit nervous of the school since the side-saddle lesson. I know it is my nerves that set Sofie off, but until I have them under control I didn't want to ride in the school. I felt this would be a bit of a vicious circle. Plus the field means Tonto can graze whilst we work which is a bonus.


First thing we discovered was that I collapse and arch my back, which totally blocks Sofie's movement. The moment I engaged my core and sat properly Sofie transformed into a beautiful outline and started stepping through. Sally was very impressed with her, I have a beautifully schooled horse - I just need to know how to ride her!


The next thing to note was Sofie is not keen on using one of her back legs.. annoyingly I can't remember which one it was, I think it might be back right. She is not lame, just one sided.


Boyed by the success of the first two lessons I decided it was time to face my fears and ride in the school. I have been doing some ground work in the school to try and overcome the spooky end with Sofie and we are getting better. I have been giving rewards and treats in the scary end to make it a nice place. We started the lesson by getting me to walk round with Sofie on foot. Sally instantly noticed that when I was looking at the floor Sofie was on high alert, but when I was looking up she relaxed. Conclusion, Sofie wants me to lead.


We then did a grounding exercise to calm my nerves. I had a few butterflys in my stomark so needed to settle these down. After a few focused breadths and conscious lowering of energy we all started nodding off so it was time to get on.


Sofie was brilliant, didn't put a foot wrong. She was a bit more looky at scary end, but provided I didn't loose my focus and stayed calm and confident she was fine. She just needed me to take control a bit more. We worked a bit more on my position, I found it harder to concentrate in the school but got there in the end and she started to float around. Again I did notice that she was a bit of a banana on the corners on one reign. Again I can't remember which one.


We go so brave we trotted past as the pigs were squeeling and went down over trotting polls. She didn't give a monkeys about the pigs. Sofie only worries if I worry. The polls she tried her hardest over, she has a big trot when she chooses, but she did rush a bit at the end when she started to loose balance. Sally's conclusion is that Sofie worries when: a) I fret and stop leading and b) when she looses balance.


So the key things I want to focus on now with her are: my confidence, her strength (via straightness training), our ridden balance. So nice to have some clear goals.


I am a bit worried about her hind leg, I'll see if straightness training works, if not I'll get it investigated for arthritis.

In other news Tonto is bloody rallying again - just as soon as I made the decision to put him down! He has gained weight and seems more comfortable of late.  He also managed a ride and lead walk to the dear farm, striding out the whole way and even doing an awkward canter back at his field. So I have booked Lucy Chester in to come and see him to see if we can improve the separation anxiety stuff. Lucy is another haffy addict so I have been wanting to meet her for ages anyway and thought it would be worth a punt. I am not convinced we can cure Tonto of his infatuation with Sofie, but it would be very helpful if we could go for a hack without him panicking, especially if he is going to stick around longer (which is still a might not a definite).


ooo in other other news, I got the start of haunches in from Sofie the other night. So pleased.

Exhausted

Apologies for the pause in blogs, once again life got in the way.


Tonto has continued to deteriorate, he now struggles to put his hind feet back down when I pick them up, has repeated skin infections and has lost a lot of weight. Its has been a real worry for me. I have now put him in a pen next door to Sofie so that I can feed him more whilst keeping Sof from ballooning.


I have been doing some straightness training with Sofie, there have been a few bumps on the road - rearing and resisting, but of late she has really started relaxing and trying and I think it is helping our relationship. I think we have almost cracked LFS, shouldering in is getting there and I have just started haunches in - we get a few steps but then she gets confused. I think I am going to go back to shoulder in next week to see if this helps progression. Below is a little clip from a few weeks ago.

I haven't really done any with T - I started but he resisted the forward down and I didn't like pulling him around.


I have also been trying some alternative therapies with Tonto - mainly out of desperation and also to rule out all 'what-ifs' in my mind.


One of these was to have Suz from the straightness training workshop down to do cranio-sacral, equine touch and Reki healing on Tonto and Sofie. Now we already know my views on Reki from the trust technique stuff - but I figure never knock anything until you try it. Tonto seemed to enjoy the treatment, Sofie seemed more sceptical. I then also got Suz to work on me, more out of curiosity then anything else. It was very odd, as soon as she put her hands on me I felt a series of strange sensations all over my body. Then when she touched my problematic left knee I burst into tears - no idea why. Suz said that emotions are often stored in the knees - I don't believe this for one second... and yet since the emotional left knee incident it has actually felt better. I cannot explain this. I am almost annoyed by it because I can't just rule out raki and such like, expect I am just so damn pleased not to have a hurting left knee its hard to stay irritated for too long.


Tonto is also now wearing magnets - again I don't think they will work but I would be delighted to be proven wrong.


And today Silka has started working with Tonto and Sofie on her straightness training like program she has started with LaYarda Reha. With gentle encouragement I could see Tonto was moving more freely. Here is an interesting case study that gives me a bit of hope with T.

and a short vid from today

I should be delighted that some of these things show promise of helping Tonto, but to be honest I am just exhausted. I am exhausted by the constant worry and heartache of watching him slowly crumble in front of my eyes. I am exhausted by the emotional turmoil and guilt at having to balance Tonto and Sofies needs. I hate that I can't do anything with Sof without Tonto either being there or screaming in fear when she is separated from him. I'm shattered from the silent tears I cry at night unable to sleep at the thought of Tonto's pain and the horrid decision that looms over me. And now those dark thoughts are increasingly encroaching daylight hours and I find those silent tears fall frequently in the quiet times of the day. It is like a marathon in grief.


I want to see Tonto well, of course I want to see my beloved Tonto well and happy but that isn't going to happen.


It is going to take a lot of effort to get Tonto more comfortable but not completely well. It will be a lot of effort for a compromise. He might feel a bit less stiff, but he will still have hock pain. He might feel a bit more energised, but he will still have a reduced immune system. He might feel a bit happier, but he will still, most likely, be entirely dependent on Sofie. And the effort won't just be to get to this compromise, it will be to keep it and sustain it whilst he gets older, in inevitably fades again. And I am so very tired.


And of course its not just Tonto. Sofie needs my help to get better, although at least bearing her lameness is not as hard a burden as I think she is perfectly comfortable most days in the field and it shouldn't deteriorate.


And to top it all off the cat might have cancer.


I feel so guilty writing this but I am not sure I am strong enough to keep hoping and trying with Tonto. Equally I am really struggling to make the alternative decision, to put him down. I had said I would do it this summer - I even asked a friend to help. But I can't bring myself to set a date. At this point I just don't know what to do.


I guess I was hoping Silka would take Tonto on as a project and fix him for me. This is unrealistic and probably a bit unfair. I think Silka intends to show me some exercises and leave me to do them with the horses. I am not sure if I am going to manage it.


So given my exhaustion, and also my inability to make a decision I am going to defer it until the end of summer. I will try my best with Silka's training - one last push, and if there is no meaningful improvement then I will know that it is OK to let him go. Safe in the knowledge that I could do no more.

Side saddle lesson

All things in moderation they say - and there has been a lot of ST on the blog so here is a short post on the side (pun intended).


Today Sofie and I had a go at being ladies, via a side saddle lesson. The side saddle association came to the yard to give lessons. Luckily for me they had a saddle suitable for barrel ponies which fitted Sofie pretty well. I was strangely worried about the lesson. I had visions of Sofie dancing and the saddle slipping off with me powerless to stop it. It probably didn't help that I nearly came out the side door last time I schooled because our saddle slipped, and that was when I had too legs to counter balance myself. Also Sofie has gotten more spooky and nappy in the school, plus I have been tunning her up to be more responsive to my aids - I wasn't sure how she would cope with just one leg on.


As soon as I got on the saddle I felt really vulnerable. We started with walking around, and I was soo worried about the saddle slipping I asked the lady to lead me! pathetic! Sitting side saddle feels pretty alien. For one, you are sitting right at the back of the saddle and two you are meant to turn your hips to the right. I habitually turn my hips to the left so this was a real struggle for me. And then there is the inescapable element - it is actually rather hard to untangle yourself from the leg holder thingies - I was told their technical name but in my blind panic I have forgotten the details. Now for most people not being able to fall off is a good thing, but I have found it makes me feel rather trapped - I guess I have had too many instances of horses falling with me/being dragged behind to find not parting company a comfort. So, feeling rather unsettled I sauntered off on Sofie, making sure our instructor was close next to me.


The problem was, me getting nervous made Sofie nervous and so she started to head shake and dance, napping to Tonto when she got nearer the pig end of the school. I found it very hard to keep my cool because I was certain the saddle would head south. But it didn't, in fact it slipped less than my normal saddle. I guess I was more balanced so there were no twisted hips to set it on the wrong course.


But with every circuit Sofie was getting more wound up. There were two others in the lesson, a visitor on a lovely mare who was high strung but the rider was super confident, and a girl riding the fantastic unflappable Findley, who I was more than slightly jealous of when I was prancing alarmingly sideways past on Sof. The nice instructors did comment that she was being a right pickle.


Then my foldy over leg went numb. That's it time for a breather. It was a with a big sigh of relief I swung my leg over to be astride and chilled in the centre. I watched the other two graduate to a dignified trot and canter. Oh lord we are being massively outdone!


Not one for failure I got back into position as soon as I re-gained feeling in my right leg and hit the outside track. Noting my nerves, the instructors got me to sing 'pop goes the weasel' and then got me to sing in lower and slower. The lower and slower I sung the calmer Sofie got. She wasn't being naughty, she was just reacting to my nerves. I was the problem really. I eventually got enough courage to try a trot at the safe end of the school. surprisingly I felt safer trotting, perhaps because there was more to do so harder to get nervous. It was also more comfortable than I expected, I probably can thank Sof's smooth gaits for this - although the ladies did comment what lovely hind action she had.

So from total fear to success. We managed trotting like ladies. I didn't feel bold enough to canter just yet-  I'll leave that to next time.

STM 1.4 the training session

The first things to note is that we need to be safe - use a hat, do not wrap the lunge line around your hand, don't put your face too close to the head to avoid a black eye - but most of all - pay attention to the horse, read his signals and keep it safe! Of course also practice in a safe place.


The training session should always start with the end goal in mind, should relate to the previous session and with the next in mind and should have a structure - warm up, middle and end (with the newest exercise at the end). You should always end on a high - which is why the new stuff is at the end, as it is the new stuff that you want to embed therefore stop at each little break through relax and let the horse reflect on what they have learnt.


The duration of the training session can vary, it will depend on the goal and the horse. AS Tonto is older all of our training sessions will have a long warm up and I will aim to not do too much with him to avoid hurting him. M encourages us to accept the best for the day, and realise that it might not be quite as good as yesterday if the horse is sore or we are just having an off day. And If I am having an off day, it is OK just to groom if I am not feeling up to it. Unfortunately I have been having a lot of off days atm so our straightness training has been glacially slow!


M then goes on to give examples of training schedules. Here is a basic one:



Looking at this with my L&D head on I think I can make improvements, mainly by including the why, as keeping why in mind is always fundamentally important for success. This is something I do when I plan my human training sessions - normally if I can't describe why I am doing something it means it won't work therefore I shouldn't do it.

training part	time	exercise	number	why
warm up (2mins)	2 mins	walking around the arena	1X left, 1X right	to warm up and relax the horse
ground work (10mins)	1 mins	head low while standing	1X	to relax and stretch
	1 mins	stelling right and left while standing still	1X left, 1X right	to relax, stretch and relax both sides of the horse
	2 mins	circle left	2X	to stretch out the left hand side and start activating the right hind
	2 mins	circle right	2X	to stretch out the right hand side and start activating the left hind
	2 mins	circle left	2X	to stretch out the left hand side and start activating the right hind
	2 mins	circle right	2X	to stretch out the right hand side and start activating the left hind
ect	...	...	...	...